Gloomy Gus.....

Ahhh, the Cadbury Egg. One of Mother Nature's most delectable concoctions.
So today I am feeling a little blue. A little bit.... off. I don't know why I get like this at times.... honestly. I will have my days where I am good, things are going well. And it isn't a situational thing, things at home are "normal" for once. No uneasiness, no resentment....
But I just was sitting here, looking at photos of faeries.
Yes. Faeries.
I may not come across as a girl who will squeal upon the sight of a faerie, or a cute kitten, or a little baby hamster when you first meet me. But trust me. I love all things girlie. I just am not comfortable expressing this in my outwardly appearance. Onwards.
So I am sitting here, listening to my tunes, and suddenly this song by Silverchair "Miss You Love" comes on.... and I just feel my heart get the vice grip o' justice squeezed around it. I suddenly am blank. My mind goes to nothing but negative thoughts.
Why am I not smarter?
Why am I not a better Ophthalmic Technician?
Why am I not prettier?
Why am I not good enough?
All the questions that constantly plague me (minus the OT thing, I haven't always done that) when I am not on "Satan's Little Pills" aka Anti-depressants.
I am starting my Zyban regime to quit smoking next week, so one would hope that it will help with this.
I went off Celexa back in August, because I honestly don't think my doc gave me the right dosage, and he was completely irrational. He said "Honestly, the only reason you are depressed is because you and your husband are having problems." Yes dillweed, whilst I may be upset by my home situation, I have felt these feelings my whole flippin' life, so who are you to tell me why I am depressed?
So yes. Off the Celexa. I tapered down like he suggested, and have been off it since.
Zyban has worked wonders before... not for the quitting smoking, because I started again, but when I took it the first time, I felt great....
Nothing like numbing your feelings with drugs.
So. Here's hoping it works... because I don't like feeling this way....

PS. My poor little Z is sick. I bought her some bunny ears at Targé in the hopes that it would make her feel better..... my little girl. She's what keeps me going.